Diary 2021

Year 2021 - Moving to a new house on my birthday last year 2020. A huge wish. For many reasons. Since I was a kid, I always said not going to buy a house a flat or a car. It is expenses that kills my wishes. But 2019 came and it became a need after moving to Sweden. Last year 2020, it all worked out with a monster cool nice house. The entire collection came to the address little by little and all or many of my worries got killed for the first time in over a decade. Now – sorting doing the needed. Go over the loses and damages it may have taken over the years.

I have been amazed about all the new thoughts I have had about this. Is my time over? Shall I stop? Shall I narrow down to only a certain type collecting and not collect so widely? Should I give in? Should I drop all contacts and just focus on me and what I have done so many years? There have been many new thoughts. I am not sick and tired of the band. But I am massively disappointed with the outcome of the time after FINAL SHOW 31. December 2015.

That is mainly the reason why I have dropped so many thoughts on myself.

But I have so far picked up on the most honest choice. Keep going but be realistic. Life has changed massively in health, economy, willingness, and others. Not the same collector that was ten years ago.

But the moving into the house gave me a new chance and gave me a new focus. Go through it all. Start a new website. Do not add to the old. Skip it does a new makeover so to speak. But have no focus on what others do think. Make it solidly a thing for myself.

Some things were easy to start with. Guitar picks, displays etc. But when going in on something more demanding it got to be the articles and shirts. Far more shirts than I care for to mention. Now I feel for the first time in a long, long time that I know where things are. The old site got updated a little bit latest 2013. I have found over 200 shirts since that site was last touched in Denmark 2013.

Some of the found and now added shirts gave me a stunning feeling. Many of them I had already forgotten all about. Some I did not even remember I had. But it has been amazing to go through all in that section and say “Tommy, you have really done a great job. I do not fully know how the hell you have managed”. A bit like that feeling.

Friday the 15thof January 2021 at 2.20PM the last shirt was gone through of all that are here right now. Well, except the solo shirts. Only Motley Crue band shirts. I am looking forward to being seeing the entire lot being put up on the site. Right now, they are gone through to see If they are up and online already or not. And they are all photographed and edited. Its not a perfect professional result but It is for sure to my satisfaction. It will eb a mind-blowing section to see ones it is up.

-Going through things again for the first time really in details for over a decade is also waking up a lot of feeling. A lot of memories and it starts a brain spinning activity about my last and remaining time of my life. Where am I? What is going on within it? What do I do next what do I want? One of the great and sort of painful discoveries of my being the later years is the fact that I am no longer willing to go totally overboard anymore and pay outrageous prices for certain things. And with that I have then also cut myself off from certain things and fights to take to be a next owner of certain things. Like everything from the Coffman years. It will just not happen. There are a handful of people in the world that are willing to pay anything for the stuff and there are sellers that milks it and holds nothing but dollar signs in their eyes. And I have left that ride. Left that train. I do not want to do that no more. So, I miss a lot of treasures. So be it.

I look forward to being seeing what my inner self will be providing me with of emotions the coming few years. I have plans for things in my life and the plans does not hold the Motley name in it. That is also something that is new and untouched territory. 2021 to me is exciting but also scarry and unpredictable.

Just started the next section of chose after the shirts.

It is the tickets. The old ticket stubs. The number of things in each lot are quite massive so it can feel like it is a never-ending story every time a new section is focused on to be completely taken care of. At times it feels like the shirts were a little more surprising that first expected. Meaning there were more than first thought. On top of that a reorganizing of the pages on the site takes time. It requires focus and patience. But Let me just say the result is super nice and giving.

The shirts were the first section to be completed for now. And looking through it truly makes me understand that I have been giving this collecting thing a serious amount of time, money, and dedication. The other day Friday the 5thof February 2021, I was on the phone with my friend from the UK James. He wanted to do a recorded conversation about collecting and the passion, dedication, and addiction (a word he was not too fond of) all for a website about music that he works with. The talk was just something I had almost forgotten how it was to have with another individual. It was a wakeup call and a bittersweet reminder of all I have one since my younger years.

It was waking up the inner me that I have been missing for the last many years.

I am so thrilled to have to do this site all over about. The site for the collection and update it with all that never has been up on the old one. All things after 2012. And of cause all older stuff that have come my way since 2021 as well.

It is a hell of a time demanding thing to pull off and go through. But it is a thing I need to find my way back to for finding life excitement and enjoyment from. It has been gone for one reason only. My life in Sweden is nowhere near what is was in Denmark. Not because it is lost, or passion has died. But mainly because life here along with possibilities and a quite different life has smashed the focus and attention I want to put into this collecting part of my life.

-Recently I have looked at things that are solid Hollywood specialties for the band if not thinking shows and all that. What type of special and historic things have they done? Well to me they have done three things. First of cause the “walk of fame”, with the handprints in cement in front of the guitar Center in Hollywood. Then the Crue day and Sunset strip festival 2009. And finally, the star of Hollywood. What is now cool about this is that I have the Motley Crue day plaque made for the band. It is a historic item to hold in any collection. And soon is the walk of fame plaque. There are many things to go through but every now and then I am able to stop up and just put life on a pause and go “wau I cannot really take in all I have done and gotten in the last close to four decades.

Thursday the 11thof February 2021

For the first time in 8 years, I have full control of my ticket stubs. The Motley ticket section is now in place. I do realize it is just one of MANY not to say most sectioned I never focused on intensely. But now that I know what I have I am going to try to ad as many as I possibly can before quitting.

I realize it is a sick and expensive thing to do – just like any other area trying to get as close to complete as possible. I KNOW I will never get there no matter what I try to pull, but I can grow it, as much as there is chancer and money for it to ad. It is then time to try to find and focus on the next thing, next section to complete for the site. That decision comes tomorrow or more likely Saturday.

I had a home alone night tonight and for the first time watching the movie “The Dirt” again I felt the old buzz that made me go into this in the first place. You see there is this one thing that is not possible to put words on it is but a feeling. A feeling that makes you KNOW why you do what you do. And I need to get this thing back to pick up myself fully and honestly and the love of collecting again. Not that that feeling is or has been gone. But it has been turbulent years and I have lost myself many times over.

So yes, I dare say, what I felt and sort of regained, from this re-watching tonight, was a new awakening thing that reminded me of my life in short film form. A dedication. A loyalty to passion possessed. The inner me. The inner Tommy that took choices decades ago to follow the road that only I understood. Thank you doing this. Thank you for the rerun of the movie. It was a positive good thing. And I saw the members ones again in a way I have not been giving any thought for a long time.

They were idiots. Sad fucks, that just found a way to be and live, that much angry a lot of hurt people along the way. But it gave them the open roads to what they dreamed of and all it demanded of them, from being the type of individuals that they were. Skunks basically. But magical together for whatever reason when it came to music. Four lost souls and in mqsery. Separately no good for nothing. But together created a life soundtrack for many.

March 5th

Have started my unemployment period after saying goodbye to all at work and handed in my stuff last Friday. It is a fine thin line between being okay and in misery. Such an easy cliff to fall from. Another section too has been started on. Well, several at a time. All magazine covers band and solo sections. Plus, all articles. These things will take time and a lot of it. But ones done, happy. Such a mess such a huge thing not knowing anything about to be honest. Do I have it or not and where the hell is it then? Just having scanned pictures on three different memory cards seems to be a bitch.

March 16th– 2021.

Ha, yeah it is a hell to be sitting with the head on one’s shoulders like I do. I have a small part of myself that says, look time has caught up with you and you need to face the music on most fronts. The collection feels oversized in most ways and recreating the new website is a time demanding costly affair that at times makes me wonder if life is and will be over before we have gone through it all. Will I ever get to have the collection to be enjoyed and all as preferred and dreamed of? I do not have that answer.

when it comes to the one thing, we all share – life – work – obligations and more then yes, for the first time in 17 years I am in between jobs and I have an awfully hard time believing in anything that is about to give me a smile and a peace of mind like I need. I have such a handicap with my own self as the ultimate enemy. I cannot find myself in the way that I see things I wholehearted will apply for. That means I am sitting with a thing here on my hands that is an empty heartfelt hopelessness. I wish it was not like this.

Articles and magazine covers are still in the working stages and it takes forever and a day to get it all done. Then I also discovered that the larger boxes in the office here with the magazines in them are to be sorted ones more. Should have done it while we went through them one by one to see if they are already added to the site. But no. It felt like a room full of piles and stacks then for a long time. So again, I must take care of them after we have gone through all of them. And then sort them out. There are many. Many I say.

March 27th– 2021.

Not a good time when it comes to possibilities and finances. Been out of work now for 1 month and in a week, I will get 2900 Skr. Then wait 4 weeks for a normal but much les payment. No nothing can be picked up ordered or done anything about. It is a very painful time for me.

On the Crue collection front. We are still at it with magazine articles and magazine covers to both band and solo sections. Did find a hell of a lot in the boxes. Feels good to have them gone through and scanned again. A little more overview of what is. As that lot is completed, I think we jump to me sorting posters. Getting a good and positive full control on what I have and what not. A few posters are on its way and will be added during the time of the coming months too. Nice.

The emotional turbulence of the situation of being unemployed here and the financial side to things it’s a horrible situation. It is a thing that brings me down more than I had hoped for. But then I try to turn to the collection and find peace with the job searching etc. April fool’s day saw us being done with all solo articles and Mick, Vince and Tommy magazine covers too. Far more Tommy solo mag covers than I remembered. But its under full control now feels nice. Nikki Sixx solo is left for the magazine covers. Then its back to Motley more articles more covers. Yeah, it is a monstrous section.

Also, I just received the bill for the next ten years if I want to keep my rights exclusive about the name Mcrueloyalty. I wish I could, shit, that had been mega great. I have two weeks to think it over. Or I will lose it. Slowly but surely collection site is being build up. I love it. And things in the collection physically is at the same time being processed so it is sorted and categorized. Just as it is supposed to be.

The renewing ten years of owning the Mcrueloyalty name is in the house. Its done. But together with my brother that has been giving a green light to make and sell stuff made. There may be a chance to get something fairly cool made. We will see. But 2031 is the last to my own owned work. Feels great that Mcrueloyalty actually did become safe. Furthermore, April 30thwas the last day for me on magazines. I have finally reached the point where I can say all magazines have been gone through and they are now scanned and ready to go online as well. Well, after editing. But they are ready I can now say it may be that I have them under control. It feels really nice. To be honest I also think the area of tickets are done. So next in line are the posters. MUST make a subway sized poster section as well.

There are no words for the feelings I go through with this new site. It is both great and frustrating. The sections are enormous, and all takes like time I sometimes feel I don’t have enough of to ever be done. Today June 14thI have still not gotten to go to a subway poster section as so many things have happened, and I have to be honest – gone though some things that are not at all pleasant but also have nothing to do with this. Mum had a stroke. The day I have feared for 3 to 4 years arrived in May. Knocked on the door and tipped me over. I have been to Denmark for a visit at a time where I absolutely had no chance on earth to financially pull that trip off. But I went. It was heart breaking. I still do not know what to do or how to have a normal life from that. Mum seems gone. At least the mum and the days we had and how we had them.

Now it is a continuing of the articles. There are so many, and it is still like 5 to 600 article pages to add on the site. I have gotten in touch with a new Japanese contact that is simply outstanding when it comes to being able to help on these Japanese magazines and the exclusive Japan auction site. Man, this is absolutely cool. There are Japanese stuff coming. Feels a little bit like it is with a focused field right now. Japanese Crue stuff.

June 27th, 2021,

Already postnord trouble with the new Japan contact. God, it begins to feel like is it really worth all the concern? I hate being depended on others. Absolutely hate it. There is nothing that just runs smoothly when those situations popping up. Depending on….

Anyhow, it feels like I am in deep focus on articles these days. Have gotten most of such the last long time. Aiming for a complete Motley coverage of ALL Japanese Burrn magazines they have ever been in. I have today over 85 issues and it feels like I am about 15 to 20 short. But there are issues of the missed coming in slowly – from my Japanese contact and friend. We are now on the site …. Still on the articles because there has been so much other stuff.

Been putting up a new roof on the house in the garden. Took three weeks to complete that but it is now top dollar there. Back on track as we picked up the site work again, we had ca 800 pictures to add to the article’s sections – now down at about 150 left. This week before we head to Denmark for 75% of my storage stuff we will be done with the articles. And it feels amazing.

Have in May and June gotten some stuff coming in. From the 40thanniversary store online pretty much everything except one sweatshirt. Have won over the long awaited and much talked about 5 cassette boxes from record day 2021 as well. Have gotten some bootleg vinyl’s, some toys and on the side of all this the much-wanted Prince extended released versions of 1999 and Sign of the Times box sets. Awesome.

Posters have been coming in. Vince Neil – restaurant - Tatuado stuff. Been a long time coming. Now done. Have had a lot of talks to my brother about things and the collecting side of life. Obviously, a lot about mum too since that is something that bothers me massively. I do not know what to do about it. I am truly losing my balance and focus on the structure in life while being unemployed. I completely hate it. I really do. Hate it.

July 1st2021,

I turned 55. Not a celebration day. But it is a …another day in the calendar. Nothing major. Just another detail to earlier life doings. I have discovered a good few thing, at least have been a forced on willingness to changes. If I don’t it will be a massive tough time ahead. Try to accept that there is no longer the framings to my life that there used to be. I am old now. I am marked by the society. 55. It is against me, and it is against me on many different levels too. I am not a rich celeb so I somehow and to a certain point simply must adjust. Welcome to forced on fitting in…. SUCKS.

July 27th2021,

Okay so a few weeks have passed ones again and I am at the end of July. Just like everyone else. July has had a lot of revolutionary things added to my daily life now. Denmark is cleared for things in storage. And been picked up. A matter a fact a real adventure. Very concerned for the truck rented. We almost tore it up. It was not to handle the massive weight we had onboard. We even had to let some things stay in Denmark but thank God at my brothers flat. And all that was picked up just one week later after we so and so were forced into looking and finally getting another and new car. Volvo V60.

Things are now in the house and slowly being looked in at box by box. There are Motley Crue things in there – not much but some. As for that – Motley Crue – we have now updated all Mag covers and articles. Posters, mag posters, tickets. Till more eventually will be gotten and be added. Somehow it feels good that it is ready. So many things still to go through and it is beginning to be a hell of a test to think of how to store all here and how to set things up so it looks and feels nice.

One can say there is too much stuff. And to a point I agree. The thing in my own head right now is that it is a lack of different kind of furniture to make it be even better. LOL, then of cause there is the question but where do you want to put these furniture’s then Tommy? Ah fuck, simply grown out of my hands and over my head, I guess. Well, there are so much with the site that are not at all in place either. Simply a mess. But somehow, I know all about it. I constantly work with people that are not as interested in it and not at all into the details as I am. But with that said and despite me needing the things to be right and sorted, I begin to see I must have a better “okay” with the difference and lack of passion for the partner doing things with. A lot of things are not to be expected and all if and when in a relationship when it comes to what I love and have done my entire life. Just cant expect it.

July 30th 2021,

yesterday was another adding for Japanese magazines. More are in the waiting.

It is very soon the end of searching for Burrn magazines. I soon have them all. I think right now am missing about 8 or so. And all but 2 or 3 are coming in the next month. Insane actually. As it is a Japanese magazine, and they are included in about 100 of them. So, it is mind blowing how on earth I have been able to… they are not cheap and many of them not easy to find. But – I now smile and enjoy. Also, on its way a year long wanted something. A lot of Japanese promo posters. Really cool to be getting them too. Not a thing you just decide on and pick up. Sweet. It has been very much the official store and the Japanese magazines for a while now that has been holding a focus for me. And I have to say – done a quiet cool job with it.

Last night we sorted some more and added more slides. That section is also something that I have a good feeling about actually. Not a thing that’s any fun to have with just 5 10 25 of. But I have a good close to a thousand now I believe and that makes it just a little sweeter. The 82 up till 1990 are highly in demand by a handful of people that pays a lot for just one slide. But I now pass easier on these things than what I did before. I am not willing any longer to pay these out of reason prices that are often being build up amongst other fans.

Also, more and more okay with the sadly tragic physical shape of the singer Vince.

I SOMEHOW STILL HOPE HE WILL NOT DO A GOOD JOB. How is that for a remark? I really should not say so. Of cause, I wish him all the best in the world but for a ego minded point of view I just want it to be a failure and let the whole thing in 2022 be a rather huge disappointment. Oh well, I just keep my mouth shut and let the willing enjoy it all.

I have 8 more months to really do something nice about my situation – bank loan Denmark. I need to see if I can get it down to 75K soonest possible. I would say that, that would do something nice and something good for all there is to be the next few years. I simply must get that loan out of the way within a few years to be honest. It will clear my situation with a far better monthly balance and situation. Time just flies by and there are not much to do other than really get a grip if I should have anything good done about my daily life here the coming 5 to 8 years. It is as simple as that.

Motley or no Motley.

August 27th2021,

Another day another month ahead with a possible headache. Tons of bad things have happened the last month. So many things with the animals (rabbits) visits to the vet a I think 4 or 5 times already. And it has not been a cheap easy ride. Lisa has taken care of all that however she is massively stressed and then I stress too. Being in between jobs and being financially on my personal all time low I can simply not say it is just a sad situation. It is a very tough and nerve-wracking thing for me when she is not okay. I so very often think I am sitting with doubts as to how all shall end. What is the answer and with what set of rules will the future unfold? Will the Motley collecting days be over?

Am I ready for that possibility?

September 21st2021,

Lost for words – too many things not in place.

November 2nd,2021,

Another month was another nightmare of thoughts from stress and all to my daily living. Crue keeps sending out stuff that I have no chance to follow up on. No chance on earth to get my hands on. There is a non-existing financial situation with just really nothing to throw into that wished-for pile of Crue stuff. A few helpful friends and family have done their part … and more than… to expand the collection this year during my jobless times. Torigoe from Japan has this year alone sent me 80 Japanese magazines and a few other items to have added. Awesome. My CZ from as well. Magazines from southern European countries with Crue articles. That is by far the section that has expanded the most in 2021.

Shirts have been followed up on, but I sadly begin to have second thoughts there now. Adds up takes space and will never be worn. But sure, as hell has been unrealistically highly-priced with shipping’s gone up and the fucked-up import taxes to close the circus once a package arrives here. Had sat my mind for tickets but... it is down to a 3rdor 4thspot on the in bringing a list of stuff that’s been coming this year.

The New Sixxonsixx page, store, and a book have come out too. No, it is not a very easy market these days. And I still try to get things sorted so it is in way more control than before.

Some of the things I have gone through the last month are documents, time schedules for shows, door signs, and such paper stuff. Feels good to finally have a little better structure for that stuff as well. All those are slowly getting in folders and plastic pockets for protection. Also that, – feels positive.

November 17th, 2021,

OH boy. A lot has happened (sort of) since last time posting only a week ago. I sense that I am trying hard to focus on the WHY I SHOULD NOT buy stuff and not have a focus on next year’s tour etc. It is a pain. A struggle. A pissy feeling. But the reason for those thoughts is not too simple either. I want it to be over. I want to say I am done. But I am the strongest when it is purely a decision made by myself and not a forced-on thing. And right now, there is this blend of emotions and forced on the situation due to being unemployed. The money is simply not there anymore whatsoever. It forces me to simply accept things or go overboard and bury myself in-depth and that is just not happening.

December 22nd, 2021

Okay, things have happened in the last few weeks. I have actually gotten some new stuff to the collection. And gotten small-time involved with some CD bootlegging. Provide photos for covers and such. Its fun. In a way. Not fully rocking my boat but…. Still part-time fun. There have come a ton of new items released in November and December and I have not a small single chance to cover it all.

I think I have managed to see myself being lucky on a great deal of it but still, I am nowhere near on dry land with all completed as wished for. TFFL collection, games, Christmas stuff, books, records, members’ solo doings, and more. No, it is for sure not a single simple thing to just cover like in the old days. Half of what you do get or order will in the end be 75% more than the actual items’ price tag. It is truly so very depressing these days. But shits, CDs, jackets, albums, ornaments, books, toys, and such have expanded what is already here. But yes, there are a few things I like to get my hands on actually that are for me today still untouched.

December 26th,2021,

The last few days before Christmas this year I had text messages coming in. My brother has been aware of my situation of mine this year- He said he wanted me to try to keep holding on and therefore he had tried to cover things in the Crue store and solo stores too to make not be too far behind. This year the band’s 40thanniversary there has been shit loads of merch and I am kind of overwhelmed and surprised to be able to say with the Christmas gifts this year I almost got all of it.

The collection has been expanding now with shirts, socks, records, tapestries, books, and more – no not all this from him as a season gift but there has been a great addition to the collection. And it has been (now looking back on the year) really indescribably cool that it has actually gone that way for me in spite of my worst year yet in his lifetime.